8. Dire Straits – “Tunnel of Love” (1980) vs.
Bruce Springsteen – “Tunnel of Love” (Chart #9 – 1987)
In an ocean of dying disco and nascent New Wave, Dire Straits’ Making Movies LP was the mature alternative – especially Side One, which offered a near-perfect sequence back in those days of vinyl. “Tunnel of Love” opened the album with boogie guitar and waltzy 18th-century organ, setting a wonderful mood until Mark Knopfler got too precious halfway through Side Two. The eight-minute “Tunnel” then closes with what may be Dire Straits’ finest solo. As for Bruce Springsteen, we were never a huge fan, especially once Born in the U.S.A.’s inescapable radio mastery finally ended. But “Tunnel of Love” is one of his finest compositions, a grown-up first date with all attendant uncertainty. Springsteen’s version can still drive us a little love-crazy, just wondering how everything will turn out. Both songs are excellent, but Springsteen wins by a romantic nose.
WINNER: Bruce Springsteen
7. Earth, Wind and Fire – “Shining Star” (Chart #1 – 1975) vs.
The Manhattans – “Shining Star” (Chart #5 – 1980)
Both of these hits technically qualify as ‘1970s soul’, even if one leans sentimental and the other impossibly funky. It’s hard to believe, but “Shining Star” was Earth, Wind and Fire’s only #1 chart hit, and boy, did they earn it. Racing in under three minutes, the track has zero letup – just groovy, funky joy all the way through. And those horns! No one makes music like this anymore, and Earth, Wind and Fire did it better than anybody. So what chance have the poor Manhattans? Fortunately, their “Shining Star” is a bona fide, all-time heartstring-tugger, as convincing a love song as ever written. What humane paramour could possibly deny such matchless devotion? We believe a tie is in order for the one and only time on this list. Oh, come on, Mr. Music Snob – you got one job, just do it! Well, tough. We adore both these songs and refuse to choose.
WINNER: Tie!
6. Steve Miller Band – “Jungle Love” (Chart #23 – 1977) vs.
The Time – “Jungle Love” (Chart #20 – 1985)
Morris Day and the Time may have recorded it. Yet Prince not only wrote “Jungle Love”, he also played most of the instruments on the studio version. Here we celebrate the funk-tastic live-synched cut from the 1984 film “Purple Rain”, which made an enormous impression on otherwise rock-obsessed teens. Even alongside Prince’s other famed contributions, the performance practically leaps off the soundtrack, daring the most devoted couch potato to sit still. It’s only fair to match it up with a kickier live cut of Steve Miller’s “Jungle Love”, which we had to dig out and upload to YouTube. Recorded in 1982 at Pine Knob Amphitheater in Clarkston, Michigan, this buoyant stage version catches Miller at the tail end of his “Abracadabra” commercial peak. Although it certainly boosts his cause, Miller never really stood a chance against one of the most electrifying live funk performances of the 1980s. Sorry, Steve!
WINNER: The Time
5. The Go-Gos – “Head Over Heels” (Chart #11 – 1984) vs.
Tears for Fears – “Head Over Heels” (Chart #3 – 1985)
The Go-Go’s definitely had their early 1980s moment. What teenager could forget hearing “We Got the Beat” over Ridgemont High’s opening credits back in 1982? Yet today, their “Head over Heels” sounds more ‘cute and catchy’ than good, after they ditched punk but prior to Belinda Carlisle’s departure. Meanwhile, Tears for Fears’ “Head Over Heels” has morphed into an utterly indispensable Reagan-era ballad, opposite bigger hits “Shout” and the still captivating “Everybody Wants to Rule the World”. Of those three, “Head Over Heels” gets us most, with aching lines like “This is my four-leaf clover…!”. The single formed the midsection of a prog-style suite called “Broken” on 1985’s Songs from the Big Chair, itself worth digging out of mothballs.
WINNER: Tears for Fears
4. Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young – “Our House” (Chart #30 – 1970) vs.
Madness – “Our House” (Chart #7 – 1983)
This mashup illustrates the infamous “Raiders of the Lost Ark” Oscar conundrum. Back in 1981, Steven Spielberg’s adventure archetype lost the Best Picture Oscar to “Chariots of Fire”. But which film would you rather watch tonight? Same here. Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young’s wistful and elegiac “Our House”, from their ageless 1970 masterpiece Deja Vu, is an incontestable classic. But most of us encounter enough ‘wistful’ in our day-to-day lives. We wanna party! That’s precisely what Madness’ irresistibly jouncy “Our House” provides – a playful, horn-soaked slice of prime MTV joy stuffed with sly humor, Manilow-esque key changes, and a speedy ska-bridge to boot. CSNY may have two cats in the yard, but we’ll take Father’s Sunday Best every time.
WINNER: Madness
3. Ace Frehley – “Snow Blind” (1978) vs.
Styx – “Snowblind” (1981)
Neither of these loopy tunes ever charted. Yet, for a music-obsessed teenager, they formed the genesis of this entire foolish exercise many years ago. Ace Frehley has been sober since 2006, so one wonders how drug-era anthems like “Snow Blind” would sit with him today – harking back to a hazy, ‘anything goes’ era most recovered musicians would prefer to forget. That’s too bad because his cut features some of the wooziest, doped-out guitars of the 1970s. Similar in subject matter, Styx’s coke-addled “Snowblind” is a fascinating, well-constructed slice of subversive pop, rising and fading from verse to verse with hypnotic complexity – including the fadeout, which may be one of the most gorgeous harmonics of the decade. Hilariously, in the early 1980s, Fun Police tried to convince the world that Styx embedded backward Satanic messages in the song. Talk about missing the forest for the trees! Those Puritan ninnies never understood that the powdery truth was far more horrifying.
WINNER: Styx
2. Melissa Manchester – “Midnight Blue” (Chart #6 – 1975) vs.
Lou Gramm – “Midnight Blue” (Chart #5 – 1987)
By acclamation, music columnists sneer at ‘Corporate Rock’ as our bland, common-denominator enemy. Yet every so often, Music Inc. coughs up a Frankenstein single so well-constructed, so formula-perfect, as to defy all damnation. When Mick Jones heard fellow Foreigner member Lou Gramm’s 1987 solo debut “Midnight Blue”, even he had to admit on VH1’s “Behind the Music” that it was ‘a great song’. How could he not? Were one to distill mid-1980s corporate rock into a handful of signature tracks, “Midnight Blue” would certainly belong. Melissa Manchester fits in here for her own amusing reason, forever known as ‘Mom’s AM Radio’. How on earth do we, self-regarding Gen Xers, know every song by Barry Manilow, Neil Diamond, Captain and Tennille, and the Carpenters? Because that’s what we heard on Mom’s car radio back then, day after day. Melissa Manchester’s “Midnight Blue” is a memorably earnest example, still dreamy and super-pleasing half a century later – yet far from irreplaceable. While good old Mom would never let us dismiss Manchester out of hand, Gramm wins going away.
WINNER: Lou Gramm
1. Ringo Starr – “Photograph” (Chart #1 – 1973) vs.
Def Leppard – “Photograph” (Chart #12 – 1983)
Bonus trivia time. Of all four ex-Beatles, Ringo Starr enjoyed the biggest chart success straight out of the gate, at least until Paul McCartney and the rest caught up. His 1973 “Photograph” is a near-masterpiece of orchestral pop, layering the matchless coda from Grand Funk Railroad’s 1970 “Closer to Home” over one of the catchiest earworm melodies in rock history. For their part, Def Leppard launched a faux-metal MTV phenomenon with “Photograph”, part of a perfectly-timed string of 1980s video-oriented releases. Never a Leppard fan ourselves, we still nurse a soft spot for “Photograph’s” diverting pop-rock earnestness. But Ringo’s cut is a nearly-forgotten hit single of a higher order – a stellar 1970s example of everlasting #1 freshness.
WINNER: Ringo Starr