BrainDead: Season 1, Episode 5 – “Back to Work…”

“Come on. You don’t like children. No one likes children.”

Oh, Red Wheatus (Tony Shalhoub), you sly dog, you. How dare you take such an opportunistic approach to a dying man who only wants to live long enough to see his child’s first birthday? Luke Healy (Danny Pino) never had a chance. Those ants are ruthless.

… But if he only knew how indicative such rhetoric would be of what’s wrong with BrainDead: it’s getting increasingly hard to not view the majority of these characters as obnoxious kids, both in tone and intellect.

This inaugural season’s fifth episode, “Back to Work: A Behind-the-Scenes Look at Congress and How It Gets Things Done (and Often Doesn’t)”, is a frustratingly dull watch. And that says something, considering how the whole thing ends with our main protagonist, Laurel (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), having an ant or two creep into her ears. If there was ever an “oh no!” moment, this would be it.

Yet, sadly, that’s just not how it feels. Instead, the twist runs the risk of being lost or, worse, walked back by the time we get to episode six. It recalls what happens this week with FBI Agent du jour Anthony Onofrio (Charlie Semine). The last time this show aired, we were supposed to believe that his head was turning into an ant hill, but for some reason, the bulk of the follow up episode features Laurel wandering around the nation’s capital looking confused about what’s going on with her boyfriend.

Hey, here are some hints: he’s drinking that weird health juice, he’s having a hard time hearing things, he washes Laurel’s sheets after what has to be the most awkward morning-after scenario that all of CBS has seen since about halfway through Survivor, and … oh, yeah, by the way, he’s trying to smother Lauren so his insect friends can march from a cherry blossom into her brain and subsequently take it over. Playing dumb doesn’t look good on this series’s main character, Robert and Michelle King.

I mean, what would Alicia Florrick do?

Anyway, it’s becoming more and more difficult as each week passes to truly get a grasp on how this story is supposed to remain interesting. Political discourse in America in 2016 is, by definition, outrageous. No matter which side of the aisle on which you fall, you’re annoyed, and you’re annoyed, most likely, at something or someone who is associated with whatever party you don’t like. To center a television series around the same obnoxious rhetoric is, at this point, overkill.

Yeah, the show’s premise was cute when it started, and sure, satirizing the impossibilities of politick has its value, but … well, the joke’s getting old, man. This week, we are subjected to four-and-a-half minutes of Republicans and Democrats arguing about naming a food stand, and Red Wheatus refusing to help grant a dying father one last wish. I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility that these things are actually happening in actual real life. So, OK. Great. You held a mirror up to America’s absurdities, BrainDead. Now what?

In the case of this week’s episode, the “now what” pertains one of the few good things left about the series, Gustav (Johnny Ray Gill), advancing his investigation into all this Bug People nonsense. Luckily, this week he receives help from the always-fabulous Margo Martindale, who shows up as Joanne, an entomologist who works for the CDC and who seems just about as wacky as BrainDead‘s most beloved character. This is a good thing.

Together, they amount to a team that seemingly has the potential to crack the case. Or, well, they seem like a much more formidable unit than the consistently bickering (we discussed this last time) Gustav and Rochelle (Nikki M. James). Because Luke is the one who introduces Joanne into the fold, we are now led to believe that perhaps some government resources can be legitimately used to help solve The Ant Crises of 2016.

But … whoops. Luke sleeps with a woman who exposes his link to the ant investigation, Luke is then made fun of, Luke then responds accordingly with indigence and embarrassment, and then to add sprinkles on top of the sundae, Joanne accidentally wrangles up a bag of ants to take home with her and the next day, she will have no part of said ant investigation, all but ensuring the fact that it’s only a matter of time before her name is added to the List of Names Whose Head Exploded.

So, here’s what we know: FBI agent Onofrio, a potential love interest for Laurel, is out. Joanne, a potential partner in crime for Gustav, is out. Laurel, the show’s main damn character, might be out. The ants love them some cherry blossoms. And Red’s so delusional that the character is both unbelievable, and, for lack of a better word, tiresome.

Sounds like a bunch of children running around Washington, DC, with no real purpose, intrigue, or depth, does it not? And, well, if nobody likes children … .

You Might Think

Whoa, there. Are we done with Gareth (Aaron Tveit)? Probably not, considering how the FBI Agent Du Jour is now a Bug Man, but boy, it feels like that character’s becoming more and more marginalized each week. Also worth asking: If Laurel’s ant-infested, that’s a death knell to any possible romance between her and him, right?

And speaking of the possibility of Laurel being ant-infested … well … do we think Laurel is, indeed, ant-infested? I mean, come on. One of the final scenes this week actually depicted ants crawling into her ear, so if they do an about-face on said ants crawling into said ear … oh, that would suck. Something I’ve always loved about the Kings is their willingness to move stories forward at a quicker pace than some may expect (what’s up, Alicia Florrick and Will Gardner?!), so on some level, while we knew it was inevitable that these insects would eventually get to someone important, the notion that they might be inside Laurel’s brain before the end of the first half of the first season is a mildly fun surprise. The possibilities for what could happen from there are somewhat compelling. That said, if this thing opens up next week and Laurel’s fine … well, yikes.

Also of note: wouldn’t it be fun if we never quite knew for sure? For instance, perhaps Laurel shows signs of being a Bug Woman, but then she also shows signs of being normal as well. That gray area could be a neat place in which this series might play.

“Everybody hates everybody.” Indeed.

Did anyone catch the creation of the “Reagan Hut” by episode’s end? Now that‘s a funny, smart touch.

Onofrio having another lady surprises absolutely nobody, right? Right?!

Wowza. The move to Sunday did not help this series. Some stats to consider, per Variety: this week’s’ episode drew about 2.26 million total viewers and did — wait for it — only a .3 rating in the demographic it’s hoping to attract. For context, the series premiere garnered more than a 4.5 rating all the way back on June 13. It took only five episodes for the audience to cut itself in half. Worth asking: does BrainDead even make it to the end of its first season?

Nope. That Love Actually bit wasn’t nearly as cute as they wanted it to be.

Things I’m interested in: Laurel being an Ant Woman. Luke’s wife. Gustav’s devices. Laurel’s brass knuckles punch. Why Laurel didn’t put on the headphones. Joanne. Gareth. Dean Healy (Zach Grenier). What’s next for Johnny Ray Gill. Reagan Hut.

Things I’m not interested in: People making fun of Luke Healy. The musical recaps. Onofrio’s previous love life. Cherry blossoms. Luke’s latest sexual conquest. Joanne’s future. Rochelle. The cat’s CAT scan. The CDC. Hugh Grant.