Apparently, the show will go on and the Staton-House Band, whose name gets more annoying every time I have to write it out, are all set to play the second night of their hometown hoedown, or whatever Denverites call a shindig.
Before we move on, though, let us not forget that episode where the crew had to fulfill a series of tasks that would put any teen witch’s home rituals to shame in order to make sure their tour is not cursed. Let’s also remember that the last egg they were supposed to break never did. Does the curse live?
Kelly Ann (Imogen Poots) and the crew discuss the semantics of the phrase, “It is what it is”, the gist of which is that nothing good comes after someone says it. This sets up a rather neat little summation we can look back to at the end of the episode. To start it all off, Kelly Ann can’t find her security badge, which is a scary enough concept to make us shudder in real life but of course, there’s a quirky, oh-you-sillies punishment for it in manic pixie road crew world. Kelly Ann either pays the $500 fee or wears a hat shaped like a stuffed turkey. Naturally, she takes the turkey hat, because humiliation is so attractive on cute girls, and she also totally, adorably pulls it off.
Mike Finger (Ely Henry), fanboy supreme, is hanging out being a band archivist, because that’s what you call non-sexing male groupies. Donna (Keisha Castle-Hughes) is invited to spend the day with Tom Staton (Catero Colbert), the other half of the main band duo that we finally get to see. He likes to reserve days with the crew to stay in touch with the people in his world, which is a very believable bit of rock star pomposity. Reg (Rafe Spall) is on a muse high from hanging out with Janine (Joy Williams) and ups his coolness cred by getting Jack White to open for the band.
Finally, Shelli (Carla Gugino) and Bill (Luke Wilson) decide that having sex was probably not the best idea and they’re never going to do it again. Now that, that’s all set up, here’s how it plays out!
Kelly Ann asks out Reg in a roundabout way and then sees him making out with Janine. Shock, shock, horror, horror. How can he resist the woman that inspired half the band’s catalogue? He totally buys into her mystique and rather than keeping her at bay, invites her to come say hi to Christopher House (Tanc Sade) and put some closure on their turbulent past.
Cue the screaming, vengeful banshee of spurned love hell. Janine rips Christopher to shred, her tongue the machete Danny Trejo can only dream about. She throws their past in his face, declares she has the receipts (and a book deal), and shoots them all down in a blaze of glory as she reveals she slept with Bill in the days when he existed in an alcoholic haze. Shelli’s horrified at this, to say nothing of Christopher.
We’re supposed to see her as a manipulative, horrible bitch but honestly? Gentlemen, what do you expect happens when your impossible ideal of the woman you placed on a pedestal far beyond even her reach actually tells you how she feels? Good on you, Janine. You represent all the “Laylas” and ” Sweet Angelines,” that got shunted off to the side when the music stopped. Then again, Reg didn’t deserve that. Also, Kelly Ann rescinds her invite. Will those crazy kids ever get it together?
Adding insult to injury, Reg didn’t get Jack White; he apparently was in contact with Jack Black, who turned the opportunity down. Having no opening act is kind of the Scooby Doo villain of the show, as is techie Milo’s (Peter Cambor) hype to maybe, finally get his band to play. It’s not to be, however, as Marc Maron takes on the slot as himself. Speaking of Jack Black and comedians who’d rather be rock stars, Maron holds the stage for 45 minutes, much to the crew’s chagrin, and is politely asked to never do that again.
Donna’s day out with Tom is going well, with massages and heart-to-hearts, especially when she tells him his son is known as the devil child. Wes (Colson Baker) the child in question’s nanny, figures out a little bit why evil spawn is the way he is: it’s the classic “his dad never pays enough attention to him” excuse. The guitar god never even taught his own kid how to play guitar.
Wes takes the kid for his first official lesson, with John Mellencamp no less, and we’re all subjected to another Music Appreciation class as he explains how is guitar once belonged to Woody Guthrie. Unfortunately, the guitar gets ruined and Wes is scandalized and finally snaps at the child. He has a point but also, why is this 12-year-old on tour? Where is his mother? Why isn’t Tom’s day out with his own flesh and blood instead of with unwilling crew members? We get it, you’re a family, the crew is as important as the band. But your real flesh and blood is literally crying out for you.
Mike Finger leaves, telling us he has plenty for the box-set that Reg is still set on, never mind that he might lose his job over everything he’s done in this episode. Is it the curse, or just a financial advisor dealing with the mechanics of a world he has no prior experience in? At least the hometown shows and all their drama is done.
As for Bill and Shelli? It is what it is.